Jeffrey McMahon begins by sharing his
personal experiences with hook-up culture.
I think it’s really brave of him to share such personal experiences and
perspectives via school-wide, internet-searchable newspaper. I think it’s
wonderful that he shares his story, but that makes the next part of the article
hurt more – he says “I know how it feels.”
He assumes that everybody else’s experiences are just like his. He says it hurts him that women are “resigning
to that lifestyle,” and he dismisses men who participate in hook-up culture as
not “real men.” He asks people to try to understand his
experiences and then takes a 180 degree turn to let me as a reader know that he doesn't try to understand experiences that are different from his own. Firstly, I don’t like it when people judge other
women’s choices with regards to sexual choices.
If you can’t respect a woman who chooses to have sex, why would you
respect my choice not to have sex? I don’t
want people to respect my choice because they agree with it, I want them to
respect my choice because I am a human being and making choices about my
sexuality is my right. Secondly, as a woman, I am very troubled when people try
to define what makes someone a “real woman.”
I am a woman, and I don’t need you to tell me whether or not I’m
real. So his judgment on what a makes a "real man" irks me. I think McMahon’s
intention is to question people who use others and who dismiss commitment
because they want instant gratification.
I don’t like the assumptions he uses to make that point. Women should be able to wear what they want –
even if it is “barely more than a bathing suit” – and behave how they want, without
people thinking there’s something wrong with them. Men should be able to make choices about
their sex lives without being told they think women should be “possessed and
used.”
Where I think McMahon really pushes his
luck is when he says that women are “away from their homes and families and are
now in our care,” implying that men on campus must take care of the women on campus. I think this is an odd way of looking at it. I backpacked Europe alone. I flew
to China alone. I'm not saying nobody helped me. But nobody was over my shoulder taking care of me the whole time, just as nobody is doing that now. Men I have never met are not responsible for "taking care of me."
McMahon’s following slippery slope assumes
that men who participate in hook-up culture don’t respect or value women and
that women who participate in hook-up culture do so because they have been
abused or neglected by the male figures in their lives. These assumptions sound like
over-generalizations of the author’s personal experiences. There are men who value women and have sex
with them outside of committed relationships.
There are women who have sex outside of committed relationships whose
parents were active and wonderful in their lives.
McMahon then implies that if I don’t find “security,
support, and comfort” in a man, I must search for it “here and there” and that
I will be “ultimately left objectified and used.” Well.
I guess he doesn't think I’m capable of holding down a secure job or
getting support from my friends and family or finding comfort in my
accomplishments. Who doesn't value women
now?
McMahon tells me I am “amazing and worthwhile”
after that. It’s nice of him to notice,
but after what he just said, I don’t know if he really means it. Especially because he calls me a “girl,” and
follows it by telling what to do. He
tells me what to look for in a romantic partner, and what to wear. I have never met McMahon before, but he
assumes he knows what I want out of life AND that every woman on campus wants
the same thing I do. If McMahon actually
cares about me, he can comment below and we can grab lunch and talk. But if he isn't willing to get to know every
woman on campus, his is in no position to give advice to them.
